In psychology, we often talk about the importance of rupture and repair.
In short, the term points to the ways in which we disconnect from and hurt those we care about, and how we can come back together, and repair the relationship.
Making mistakes and hurting people is human. As much as we try, we still do things, either intentionally or accidentally, that cause suffering. There is no way to avoid this, though we can try our best. What we can control is how we react once we’ve caused a rupture in a relationship.
Most of us have responded to hurting someone we care about in unhelpful ways. For example, maybe you closed up in shame and self-judgement after a rupture, which resulted in more disconnection from yourself and the other. I know I've been guilty of this.
Or, maybe you have used an ”easy button” like keeping busy, shopping, drinking, or eating to avoid knowing and feeling what you've done. This, too, leaves little opportunity for repair.
But there is a healthier, more loving alternative that leaves us and important others feeling more connected, even after a rupture.
This is when we choose to tolerate the discomfort of knowing we’ve hurt someone, and are courageous enough to acknowledge, both to ourselves and the other person, what we've done. We love ourselves enough to know that causing pain is human and instead of shaming ourselves or shutting down, we decide to be vulnerable, admit our errors, and apologize for the pain we’ve caused.
In this process, the rupture, which could have caused disconnection, provides an opportunity to deepen trust and connection.
I am writing about this today because I want to apologize for an inauthentic way I showed up recently in this blog, something that could have caused a rupture, and a lack of trust. As a new blogger, I am constantly making mistakes, and last week was one of them.
This is when we choose to tolerate the discomfort of knowing we’ve hurt someone, and are courageous enough to acknowledge, both to ourselves and the other person, what we've done. We love ourselves enough to know that causing pain is human and instead of shaming ourselves or shutting down, we decide to be vulnerable, admit our errors, and apologize for the pain we’ve caused.
In this process, the rupture, which could have caused disconnection, provides an opportunity to deepen trust and connection.
I am writing about this today because I want to apologize for an inauthentic way I showed up recently in this blog, something that could have caused a rupture, and a lack of trust. As a new blogger, I am constantly making mistakes, and last week was one of them.
For one of my first blog posts, I wanted to share my thoughts on music and ketamine. I was nervous about my writing and turned to Chat GPT for inspiration and to visualize what my blog could look like. With my web designer's help, I watched as my blog became something within reach. It was just the motivation I needed! I wrote a completely authentic, stream-of-consciousness post about music and scheduled it to go out in a couple of week's time. However, due to a series of missteps, the generic blog post, rather than my original writing, accidentally went out.
After the blog went out, I thought...
I let you down.
I am sorry.
Those were not my words and do not reflect my truth.
I want you to know that my deepest intention is to show up authentically, something that I did not do with that music post.
This could have caused distrust and ruptured our relationship.
The purpose of my blog is to share what I have learned on my own healing journey, and as a psychedelic therapist.
The purpose of my blog is to share what I have learned on my own healing journey, and as a psychedelic therapist.
And today is no different.
I want to share my process of showing up, both for myself and for you.
To be honest about who I want to be, an authentic person who shares vulnerably and truthfully. Yet, I admit that I have not lived up to those values, not with shame or self-judgement, but with courage and self-compassion.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there" says the poet Rumi. I can't say I fully grasp this quote's depth on an intellectual level; however, I feel it. Psychedelic therapy has helped me trust in Rumi's wisdom, more and more. Yes, we make mistakes, yes we hurt people, that is life. We don’t have to make ourselves wrong for being imperfect. Instead, we can acknowledge our mistakes with honesty, have compassion for self and other, and have the courage to do what we can to repair the relationship.
Questions for Reflection
Does this post make you think of ways in which you may have caused a rupture in a relationship?
Have you ever shut down in shame or avoided acknowledging when you have caused pain?
What would it be like to acknowledge your mistakes, your humanness, with love and compassion to both yourself and the other?
Is there a way you could imagine repair being possible?
With Gratitude for Authentic Connections,
Mary ❤️
Hi, I'm MaryI believe that your symptoms make all the sense in the world. There is nothing wrong with you ❤️
I also believe that, provided the right conditions, you can reconnect with a place of awe, beauty, curiosity, and aliveness that you so deserve ✨
I believe these things as a result of what I’ve learned on my own healing journey and as a trauma therapist with the honor of supporting others on this path 🤝
I approach each client with the unshakable belief that symptoms like depression, anxiety, and trauma are natural responses to unhealed emotional pain.
Ketamine, used therapeutically, can facilitate access to these tender, usually inaccessible places WHILE allowing for a client's innate wisdom and healing intelligence to come through. When this happens, transformation occurs.
And though not everyone is a candidate for psychedelic therapy, for those who are, I see profound healing over and over again.
I believe this work is my purpose, and I am honored to contribute some of what I have learned along the way in this blog. Thank you for being here 🙏
For more information about Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy, download my free resource here.
