Recently, I shared a blog post about some of the ways in which Ketamine therapy has helped me, from expressing more of who I am through writing, to a growing trust in wisdom I once only understood intellectually.
And, everything I shared was absolutely true. If anything, authenticity is the value that has grown in importance to me, with psychedelic therapy.
However, upon reflection, I realized that I only shared the good. It was a post about how psychedelics have helped me, after all.
Yet, like everything in life, it is not all good. One of my favorite words, “brutiful”, coined by writer Glennon Doyle, brings together the words brutal and beautiful.
She says you can’t fully experience the beautiful without also feeling the brutal.
Ketamine therapy has made this real for me. As I’ve let go enough, in medicine work, to experience expanded awareness, new perspectives, beauty, wonder and joy, I’ve also felt the depth of old hurts and the stinging of pain previously dulled.
Brené Brown, another one of my favorite teachers, says you cannot selectively numb pain. When you numb pain, you also numb the good. I see the other side of this, all the time, in psychedelic therapy. When we open to feeling good, by default, we make space for memories and feelings we couldn’t tolerate previously.
The more deeply I feel the beauty in the world, the more deeply I feel awe, curiosity, and wonder, the more deeply I also feel pain, heartbreak and grief.
In psychedelic therapy, we can remember what it is like to live from a felt sense, from our hearts and feelings, instead of shielding ourselves from the vulnerability of being alive. When we stay open in this way, we can feel deep sorrow and pain, and yet, what I’ve experienced, is that it is held in a more expanded space.
My experience with psychedelic therapy has given me more than just emotional healing, it has felt like a spiritual awakening, which is not always easy. Not everyone thinks of it this way, and it is not necessary to. However, for me, this quote beautifully expresses this process:
“To stay with that shakiness—to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge—that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic—this is the spiritual path.” ~Pema Chodron
So, therapy does not take away pain and suffering. Sometimes things can feel worse before they get better. Yet, when it works, our capacity to hold it gets bigger, our trust in ourselves and knowing that things will be OK, somehow, seems to widen.
This happens in medicine work, but also as a result of the preparation and integration phase of psychedelic therapy. Clients are invited to consciously carve out time for themselves, before and after medicine sessions, to engage in contemplative practices like meditation, journaling and building body awareness.
It is my hope, that when clients do this consistently when they are feeling good, it is easier to do the same when they are feeling less good. And that has been my personal experience.
So, whether you are a seasoned psychonaut, or not sure if psychedelic therapy is for you, this post remains true. When we awaken to ourselves more deeply, whether through psychedelics, talk therapy, or any other approach, we can also start to awaken to buried hurt. We do not get a free pass out of those things. However, we can grow our capacity to hold it all.
Embracing this "brutiful" life,
Mary ❤️
Hi, I'm MaryI believe that your symptoms make all the sense in the world. There is nothing wrong with you ❤️
I also believe that, provided the right conditions, you can reconnect with a place of awe, beauty, curiosity, and aliveness that you so deserve ✨
I believe these things as a result of what I’ve learned on my own healing journey and as a trauma therapist with the honor of supporting others on this path 🤝
I approach each client with the unshakable belief that symptoms like depression, anxiety, and trauma are natural responses to unhealed emotional pain.
Ketamine, used therapeutically, can facilitate access to these tender, usually inaccessible places WHILE allowing for a client's innate wisdom and healing intelligence to come through. When this happens, transformation occurs.
And though not everyone is a candidate for psychedelic therapy, for those who are, I see profound healing over and over again.
I believe this work is my purpose, and I am honored to contribute some of what I have learned along the way in this blog. Thank you for being here 🙏
For more information about Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy, download my free resource here.
